A still from The Nativity Story, a film by Jamie Trueblood/New Line Productions.
By Susanna Pain*
But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19
What a night! A journey, an arrival, a birth, angels and shepherds, and much, much more. But in the midst of it all, Mary seems to have a contemplative heart; treasuring the words of the angels and the shepherds, and pondering them.
At Christmas, it is Mary I think of most, she whose role is mother of the incarnate one, God bearer, bringing the Word to life into our world, as we are asked to do in our time.
Approaching Christmas this year, I am in the midst of packing, then unpacking boxes and moving house. You might wonder where the contemplative stance sits with all that. One might ask a similar question of Mary, the ponderer, as she travels far from home and can't find accommodation on the night she ends up giving birth.
On Monday I drove from Sale in Victoria, to Canberra, six and a half hours away, with my cat, Annie, beside me on the passenger seat. We left in the morning so arrived in Canberra in the afternoon and I was able to set up a foam mattress on the floor to sleep on overnight, along with fixing up some bits and pieces for the cat.
My husband and partner Nikolai didn’t leave till early evening after the removalist had finished. He planned to drive a few hours and stay somewhere on the way – but, there was no accommodation to be found, anywhere! So he drove through the night arriving in the early hours of the morning after close encounters with startled kangaroos, and an owl, resting in the middle of the road.
It’s been a very stressful time of letting go of the old and opening to the new, a very physical time packing and unpacking, but through it all, I have been part of two contemplative communities. Most days would find me online morning and evening, meditating, letting the dust settle, letting go of thoughts, mostly, and resting. I lean into God without words, seeking to just be present. It helps the discipline to be accompanied by others in the silence; and I appreciate the poems or gentle words before and after the silence.
The dropping down, this meditation, has enabled me to get through this time – not only this adventure and Christmas season, not only moving state, not only the change in Covid restrictions, but also opening my heart to receive The Gift. As I look around the faces on the zoom screen, as I shop for necessary things for my new home, and Christmas gifts, I find I am able to breathe easily, sleep better, and to be almost human.
Mary pondered. She opened herself to mystery and said “yes“. She gave birth to God in human form - a baby boy, squawking, and snuffling and looking for her breast; blood and bodily fluids; messiness, sweat, earthy, grounded, warmed by the animals nearby, inhaling the smell of hay. She was tired after a long journey, let alone the long hours of labour. Hopefully they got some rest before all the visitors showed up – angelic, commoners and nobility.
I contemplate this Lukan scene and space opens up. I close my eyes, curl up and breathe in the story. Mary hands him over and he makes those funny sleeping child noises as I hold him close, Emmanuel, God with us; Mary's son.
The Rev’d Susanna Pain is the former Dean of St Paul’s Anglican Cathedral in Sale, Victoria, Australia, and a spiritual director, retreat leader and meditator. She is soon to begin as part of the team of Benedictus Contemplative Church in Canberra. See: https://benedictus.com.au